1. You’re finally going to join the gym
Your gut is still full from a season’s worth of festive meats and cheeses, you’ve been drinking Prosecco for breakfast since the beginning of December and your cupboards are *still* filled to the brim with chocolates that your mum put in that Christmas care package that she sent you because she was worried that you’d starve before you made it home for the holidays. To cut a long story short- you look like a bowling ball with a face painted on it. You ain’t slim, Jim.
We all do it, we allow ourselves to over-indulge during December under the promise that by January we will venture into the Spam folder of our email inbox and look for that email we got that one time from Virgin Active about getting a tenner off if we renew our sad, neglected membership from the beginning of 2017. The same membership money bounces in and out of our accounts for three months (Did I mention we’re trying to save more money this year, too?) until we cancel the Direct Debit and concede to the fact that we’re never actually going to get fit or do any exercise.
There is a simpler way around this, though, and it involves a lot of lifting Jagerbombs to your face. It’s like deadlifting 80kg, except you’re drink lifting 80ml, and I bet you already know which one you’re going to enjoy more.
It sounds dumb, I know, and there have been countless studies made on the health risks involving mixing alcohol and energy drinks, but do you even live in Brighton if you don’t drink like you don’t want to live anymore? I mean, seriously. So do what you do best, continue being a reckless individual with no boundaries.